To J

I lamented I was bitter
I wish you love me just a little bit more
a little bit more to stay
abandoned and lost
i seek a closure which is not in sight
an unknown number and a blocked number
i contemplated to pick up the call
knowing the chances are 50% u or not
not knowing how i will feel if it was not u
or how i feel hearing your voice again
coming to terms that you left was probably one of the most difficult things i've faced
not facing it seems easier
when it only bites and hurts when reality sets in
how could you
how could u leave us behind and left me alone
is that all our love was?
tortured i tried to live normally
to let nothing falter me
to try to be happy
but when the memories float me by
i wish they don't exist
i wish we didn't exist
i wish i didn't know what bliss was
then i wouldn't want it
as i miss it now
sometimes i feel it is too painful to live through this
sometimes i find the courage to move on
a walking dead
one alive
but dead to the affairs of the heart of mere mortals
tired and exhausted
i need rest
to bury myself into a sleep of eternity
alive only in being