To E

u have moulded me to become one of the most shameless person around
it is no wonder why it doesn't and never bothers you how i feel
silly is no longer a good enough word to describe my otherwise insensible actions
stupidity might be a better word or a more powerful word could be used
i contemplated
i looked through the memory lane
and concluded u matter enough for a try
only to realise that a bunch of true and untrue explanations and reasonings float your world
is your world ever so righteous
so orderly
so planned
or was it me
i m tired of trying to invade a world that is closed to me
trying so hard to talk to a soul who only sees himself and her
perhaps many times i refused to see the signals
to see the closed door and slammed right into it
perhaps i chose to hurt myself
i m putting you away
the thought of u as a companion came to mind today
i actually used the word companion
and well you have put it plainly again
that it can never be
so lead your life
as i lead mine
vowed not to let u matter anymore in my life
as my mere mortal life
cannot accomodate a superhero like you

To J

I lamented I was bitter
I wish you love me just a little bit more
a little bit more to stay
abandoned and lost
i seek a closure which is not in sight
an unknown number and a blocked number
i contemplated to pick up the call
knowing the chances are 50% u or not
not knowing how i will feel if it was not u
or how i feel hearing your voice again
coming to terms that you left was probably one of the most difficult things i've faced
not facing it seems easier
when it only bites and hurts when reality sets in
how could you
how could u leave us behind and left me alone
is that all our love was?
tortured i tried to live normally
to let nothing falter me
to try to be happy
but when the memories float me by
i wish they don't exist
i wish we didn't exist
i wish i didn't know what bliss was
then i wouldn't want it
as i miss it now
sometimes i feel it is too painful to live through this
sometimes i find the courage to move on
a walking dead
one alive
but dead to the affairs of the heart of mere mortals
tired and exhausted
i need rest
to bury myself into a sleep of eternity
alive only in being